A lot of people will say how can you believe in God when so much has gone wrong in your life and so much goes wrong in the world.
I say Tanya Rider was found alive after almost 8 days hurt and lost off the side of a road in wrecked SUV.
But I am always amazed when people even I have done this. I have asked God why me or why are you doing this to me God. But this is stupid thinking God is not doing anything bad to me. He at the very least has laid out the ground work for me to survive and live forever with his word and the Bible. The bible, Gods word threw the eyes of man written in the understanding of man at the time God gave his word to man and man had to understand the meaning of it way back then and we can still understand the meaning of Gods word today and live by Gods grace.
I myself believe that when bad happens it is either the random event in the everyday course of nature and free will, free destiny or the work of evil people, evil deeds or evil intent or evil incarnated and not god. Evil and bad are opposite of God and to suggest God intentionally creates natural disasters aimed at anyone is ludicrous.
I prefer to think that god put everything in place starting with the universe and the world billions of years ago, created stars the universe and even the dinosaurs and programmed every living thing. DNA is like a computer program and 1 day to god could be a billion years going by on earth, our DNA and instinct and evolution which God designed guides everything even the laws of nature, physics and evolution is Gods creation and God saw man as being in his image from the day the universe was created and he also knew there was a time when he would give man his word, put part of himself on earth as the son of man Christ and as the spirit of truth after Christ was resurrected. I also believe that god has destined some of us to be his tools on earth, many are called but few are chosen, we may hear the calling or ignore the calling but end up doing Gods work weather we heed the calling or reject the calling. me myself I tend to think I was chosen but I didn't want to give up woman, drinking sports and everything else to go to seminary. You see my pastor like everyone else that was an adult in my life when I was a teen wanted me to follow in his foot steps and in all actuality church saved my life. Before church and God I was a kid with no self esteem, and no self worth, when I was growing up my father would beat me, beat my mother when he was drunk( he mean when drunk) and then beat me for protecting my mother, he would beat me for anything I did wrong and worst yet he would beat me for anything my sisters did wrong. 99.5% of the time I was beat because of something my sisters did. The problem was they never had a hand laid on them so they did what ever they wanted. I never did anything wrong but I was beat at least 3 times a day.( This was the era of the razor thin leather belt and the worst thing you could do is put your hands behind you back to block the belt when you had to much then I would have welts on my hand palms and ass and back.) All this I could take though the worst thing about my youth in elementary school was I had a buzz cut because my father was just out of the Air force so I during the era of the Beatles hair cut I would get shit from one bully hall monitor in school( but that stopped when I beat the shit out of him) and the worst was the loser 7&8th graders that got dropped off by the school buses at the school at night to walk home from there. I had to walk the mile home from school and the first couple of blocks, I had to doge rocks, snowballs or what ever else was throw at me from across the street and endure chants of buzz head. I would just give them the finger or throw shit back at them and run or fight if they came across the street. It didn't really matter no kid was going to beat me worse than my old man would. The only problem was if I came home and my father found out I had been in a fight he would have beat the shit out of me. This is why I hate being falsely accused of doing things wrong when I haven't.
Anyways if it wasn't for church I wouldn't have found out that. I wasn't going to hell for stealing a Nickel. Ya some fuckin asshole father of my best friend in elementary school told me I would go to hell if I even ever stole one nickel from my parents, God would punish me and send me to hell, even if I stole only a nickel. He did this because he figured that I was buying Ice cream for me and my buddies including his son with money I preferred from my parents.
Everybody in school though my parents where rich because I would swipe a quarter everyday and buy 5 nutty buddies. In all reality my old man was working at ford and my mother worked so we where probably the riches people in that school, but we where living in a run down duplex on George Urban and the old man would blow a lot the money on drinking and partying and his sister had made a killing in real estate and also worked as an air traffic controller and my other aunt also married rich, my uncle Bob and they where always sending money and giving him there old cadies or Buicks and his parents had quite a lot of old war bonds that where converted to savings bonds and a paid for house which when all was said and done when they died became a new house paid in full down the street. So we living in a duplex because of alcohol, but everyone assumed it was because we where poor.( In reality my father always had high paying jobs, on the rail road, then Bethlehem steel, then Ford stamping plant and my mother worked as a sectary in executive offices making good money) My father eventually quit drinking completely( these are the problems when your young and married and have kids) and my two brother grew up in an environment with no fighting and no drinking and spoiled rotten never having a hand laid on them getting everything they asked for.(11 and 13 years age difference)
Back to the main thing I almost never stole again, even thinking of stealing something would make me sick to my stomach, I didn't want to go to hell and fry for eternity. The only problem is that's the day I had my first panic attack. I almost didn't make it home that day. What kind of ass whole doss that to a kid.
I though I was going to hell and I thought I was dieing that day. Have you ever seen a Zebra being eaten alive by Lions even when the lion hasn't ripped it throat out its just laying there its legs wont move, it cant get up, but it keeps screaming out while it watches the lions eat it alive. It is paralyzed with what? It can't be fear! It's paralyzed because all the adrenaline being released is inflating its blood pressure so high that the arteries and veins are constricting and cutting off blood supply to the spine causing varying degrees of paralysis, in the legs, intestines, bowels, it wants to get up and run away but it can't, then after a little while the pain goes away and the endomorph Ines set in and the animal get euphoric and feels no more pain and lays it head down and lets the lions munch on until it dies. That's what a panic attack feels like the only problem is in a human it feels like your having a heart attack and if your heart is bad you probably will have one during a panic attack. The singer John Mellon camp started having what he thought was panic attacks and the one time he had one it he didn't recover and he ended up in the hospital and they told him he had a heart attack and he had to get bypass surgery right away.
I didn't like god much after being told I am going to hell by my friends father and anytime I would see the picture of Jesus hanging in my parents room or anywhere I would have a panic attack. It got so that I couldn't look at the picture or walk by it without my back tightening up my legs giving out and my ending up dragging myself out of the room with my arms. I wasn't a coward so I wouldn't let it stop me from looking at the picture or going in there room but the same thing would happened every time a panic attack. I never stole again or never lied again or did anything wrong even thinking about stealing or lying would make me have a panic attack. The only thing was my ma would always make sure we went to Sunday school or church at first we would walk to church on Dolt street at the Cheektowaga buffalo line, but then when the congregation moved to Depew we would drive there every Sunday.
Going to Church every week I got to read the bible and hear bible stories and realized that god was a forgiving God a merciful god and from pastor Johnson I remember him giving me a book. The book was Good news for Modern Man. Subtitle the new Testament. How come I never heard stories from the new testament before? It was great live by Gods grace, ask for forgiveness and you get forgiveness. I wasn't going to hell. My father wasn't necessary going to hell for all his drinking in the past. I didn't have to be a complete saint like my mother to get into heaven.
God is Good, God is Great, Allah Akbar!
Anyways I Joined the church youth group, I learned all about god, we went on retreats, I didn't have to fight all my high school friends for girls at church either, to me church was the best place on earth, I had the gifted incite, I was the best looking male in the teen group and all the girls where after me, so what if all they wanted to do is kiss, I'd kiss them all and marry the one I liked.
Knowing the John Melon Camp story doesn't give me much peace of mind that my next panic attack will end like all the rest with me feeling foolish because I didn't die. I don't fear death and I'm sure god will take care of me. It just that I want kids of my own, or want to meet any kids that I don't know that I have and I have unfinished business here on earth and don't want to die just yet.
Things didn't work out completely the way I wanted I didn't marry my church sweetheart. Her family moved to a different church my last year of High School.
I didn't become the pastor, my pastor wanted me to be, or the Doctor my parents sent me to collage to be, and as years have come and gone my attendance of church services has dwindled and when I do go to church about the only thing I really like is the pastor( not the same guy as when I was a teen) tries to get the youth evolved in services on the holidays. I cant really get use to his wife being a bishop (not a typo she's way up, I didn't mean deacon) in Luther Dom or her a woman doing the service, she just seems to happy (likes its a victory for woman everywhere and not about God!).
But, I know God is with me! Fast here's why. I've been hit by a train from behind while walking on the tracks, I've been ruined over by a car at age 11, I did like Maxwell smart and put my head and ass down, Fell under a school buses and it ran over me I rolled to the center of the rear axle, I was ejected off a motorcycle and over the hood of a car at 50mph,I wasn't in a cars seat when it was broad sided and put the driver in the hospital from the passenger door according my buddy because I walked from the bar to my other buddies house party because he wanted to stay at bar, I started to walk off the beach at OC and a 6 inch wide lightning bolt hit exactly where I was just sitting, it melted the sand into a chunk of glass, I caught a grove on a snowmobile at 120mph and got tossed at Lancaster speedway. I drove over a hill and into a lake at about 80mph at High banks, I hit an dear at 160mph plus on RT 15 in PA no damage to car, I ran out of water and my battery was dead while camping in the desert in Utah, it was 125 degrees in the shade, the fireman that found me and my brother and gave me a jump was a former sergeant in the army that I worked for at a Baltimore company 12yrs earlier, the last time I saw him we where out drinking to him leaving for Iowa to meet his mother he never knew. A couple weeks before that I'm walking threw a Vegas casino going to the Movie theater and I notice the Casino manager that passes me is Larry White I hadn't seen Larry white since he was the manager at the Luskin's I was his sales manager at and got robed at gun point 15 years earlier. Before that a relative of the former sheriff comes to me and ask me to put my trust in him and finance him as a partner at closed pizzeria that's available he disappears when my brother confronts him about calls from **** ******* on caller Id. 6 years latter I'm sitting in a newly opened subway with my mother and this guy walks in new SUV parked in space outside I didn't recognize him but my ma said you know that was ****, I said you know your right he looks good gained some weight he must of kicked the drugs, good for him, you know if he wouldn't of took off, I would of told him to go to rehab and then come back to the business.
You guys know the Bush senior speech Sadam is Hitler, it was lifted from me word for word when I ended up at a Army housing unit cleaning carpets in Anacostia (worst section of se dc , an army captain, a white dud in a place a white dude in an army uniform wasn't safe neither was I, I had no idea there was army housing there until that day, anyways the guy tells me he's in the white house chief of staff or something he's really anal about everything and the carpets being perfect. I'm done with one room and he asked me about Sadam. I give him the Sadam is like Hitler yada yada speech and all of the son this guy cant get me out of there fast enough he has to get back to work he gets me out of there just finishing, the next day Bush is quoting me word for word except for the Sadam pronunciation that was beyond me calling him a farmer by miss pronouncing his name.
In 1999 I called the Buffalo FBI office and left a message that there was Arabs talking about running plans into the WTC and they thought it would collapse because it was a exoskeleton building.
Sometimes I feel like that guy from quantum leap.
If you wonder why I'm still alive and kicking its because Gods still not done with me. Am I sure there is a God? Yes , and Christ Yes, I believe I meet him. He was on the corner of Briggs channy and Route 29 in Silver Spring Maryland in 1992 before Christmas with his hand out and he appeared again on the corner of Galleria Drive and Union rd in 1992 Christmas Eve with his hand out.( I'll say this: This was the same guy! How he got from a Washington DC suburb to a Buffalo suburb with a hand out at both places I can't say, I am sure its was possible he took a buss to Buffalo with the money he made in Silver Spring Md and needed more money when he got here and it was just coincidence that we both ended up at the same places and yes he looked like the art deprecation of Christ that we are all told is wrong, only in Jeans and a new flannel shirt. I know it can be explained away, but I prefer to believe that it was Christ out checking in with humanity on his birthday celebration. Call me nuts if you want too!
I am going to say this. No one that has ever know me or been associated with me has ever been effected negatively by me. There relationship with me has always been benefited unless they scorn me or think I am a joke then it seems they fall by the way side or end up in ruins (it must be a karma thing). Getting to know me will only benefit you. My only rule with woman is don't bring sex into the equation if you won't give it up. If you give it up right away there no problem if it never happens again fine at least all the tensions gone.
There is only one time that knowing me might not have worked out the best for someone. It was John Bogal a friend of mine I meet threw my Buddy Tom. John was crazy, liked drugs and was into all shorts of shit including stealing credit cards and using them and selling the stuff for cash. I even think he was using my name and Identity for a job under my nose and I didn't find out until I filed bankruptcy. It turns out that John stops by my and Toms apartment we where room mates, an apartment with 2 master bed rooms and Toms girl friend had moved into his bed room and never left. John stopped by one night drugged up probably on meth and heavily drunk. Angie got pissed that he was over and he knock on my door. I was watching my TV and he came in and sat on the chair, John had just come from his smoking hot Korean girlfriends house.
I was watching the show with Winnie in it, the wonder years. John says something obscene about the boy growing up. Then he says you know how sometimes if you think about killing your self you can't do it. I said no if you wanted to do it you would just do it. Then he says he's taking off.
I say sleep over John your blasted you shouldn't be driving that bike in your condition.( He has a ninja outside, probably stole it, I know its not his.) I yell out to Tom tell John to stay the night. I hear Angie yelling: Your not letting your drunk friend stay here, yada, yada. She starts going nuts, she f'in crazy she grabs a knife and starts chasing Tom around while screaming, She's always doing this kind of shit. I had to put a new lock on my door to keep the crazy bitch out of my room. I tell John stay sleep on the floor in my room. He says I'll be aright. I tell Tom go out and take his keys. He goes down stairs and Angie follows yelling. Finally John takes off. I could hear him jamming the gears for about 6 miles it was like 2 am, I kept waiting for a crash, I didn't hear one.
The next day Tom gets a call, Johns dead, a cop took after John on RT 29, she lost him when he made a right on New Hampshire then he doubled back. The woman cop said he slammed into the cement barrier under the statute of Jesus( its replica of the Rio statue) at around 120 mph, and ended up laying under the statute arms out forming a cross. While I blame myself for John just doing it and killing himself that night the only consolation I have is I like to think he found Jesus that night. I have faith he did.
The only thing I have to say is dam what will men do for a woman? Tom left his wife and 2 kids for Angie and the judge told him to pay more in Alimony than he makes in a year plus child support and he lost his best friend of his youth, John actually died because she wouldn't let him sleep a drunk off at an apartment that was only half there's.
Tom lost all he had, for love of, and because of one woman.
And Tom and Angie they ended up moving to Ringwald Georgia her hometown but not until months of eating at 4 and 5 star restaurants with barter money. I would bring 20 people into a 5 star restaurant everyone would also get take out and we would pay with barter money. It was great!
After that night I Got my own apartment and after a while a Dog and went on to gross my first million and because of that apartment I found my biggest client the management company of that complex 880 apartments with defective water hoses on the washers in each apartment at $1500 a pop for water damage clean up and also the turn over's empty apartments at $120 a pop and the three other complexes they ran that I got to clean also and then all the mansions in Potomac at 5 k a pop, the embassies, hotels, electronics stores, I would take all that money and advertise and well you get the picture and a couple hundred thousand in barter exchange a year( I ate at a different 4 or 5 star restaurants every night as did almost every employee, it also paid for doctors and dentist for everyone, if you didn't spend it on work related you would have to pay tax on it). The money was coming in so fast that every once in a while I would find a pile of checks for 8k or 5k just laying under a pile of papers from months before that I though had been deposited. With all the work and hassle and panic attacks, I ended up closing the residential except for Potomac my clients and went straight to commercial. It was a tenth of the work and a couple hundred thousand a year and I could do it on my own with a helper in a 40 hr week with one salesmen all the money accounts always wanted me anyways.
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Daughter and wife beating are routine in the Muslim world. Over 90 percent of Pakistani wives, for instance, have been struck, beaten, or abused sexually for offenses like cooking an unsatisfactory meal, or for failing to give birth to a male child.*The penalty for converting to Christianity from Islam is death! There is no freedom of choice or free will in Islam, only Allah's will as interrupted by so called holy men... |
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06/24/2008
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